


As long as you need

by Beleriandings



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beleriandings/pseuds/Beleriandings
Summary: About a year after the fall of Vecna, Velora visits Whitestone again.





	As long as you need

Vex woke to a sound, a creak and a shuffling by the door. 

A moment later, she was jolting into full wakefulness with a quiet gasp; an old impulse, but one that she didn’t think she’d ever lose, even if she lived safely until the end of her days. Her eyes flew wide and she stared around the dark bedroom. Beside her, Percy was still sleeping peacefully with a slight snore and his face a little squished against the pillow, apparently undisturbed.

She scanned the room, eyes narrowing, part of her brain mapping out the trajectory of her hand to the sheathed dagger on her bedside table to defend herself if need be. She realised that, quite unconsciously, one of her hands had gone to the slight curve of her belly, still almost too slight for most people to notice, but growing every day. Maybe pregnancy was already making her jumpy. She was trying to remember if that was a real thing that happened to people - one of the many discomforts she had been warned about, perhaps - when her eyes caught on the door. It opened just a crack as she turned her head, an eye peering through.

“…Vex?”

She blinked, startled out of her haze of anxiety by the familiarity of the voice. “Oh! Velora?” She had forgotten, in her waking moment of panic, that her sister had arrived in Whitestone yesterday, but now she smiled in the dark. Then she frowned. “Is…is something wrong? Did something wake you?”

“Um. Just a dream.” Velora looked into the room, over Vex, and Percy’s sleeping form beside her. “Sorry, I’ll go back to bed.” 

Vex frowned. “No, stay” she said. “Come here, darling. Come and talk to me, if you want?”

Velora hesitated, opening the door a crack more. Vex swung her legs out of the bed - the cold night air a shock after the warmth of sleep - and went to the door, opening it fully and taking Velora by the shoulders. 

That must have been enough. Velora leaned into the touch, muffling a sob in the sleeve of her nightgown as she looked up at her sister, eyes darting across her face as though trying to take in every inch of it. “S-sorry” she stammered out. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Oh, no, no. Hush.” Vex leaned sideways and pressed a kiss to the top of Velora’s head, right in the centre where the hair parted. She steered her, gently but firmly, to sit down on the edge of the bed beside her, wrapping an arm around her and pressing another kiss to the side of her head, holding her close. “Hush now, darling. It’s alright, it was just a bad dream.” 

“…Yeah.”

Vex eyed her little sister appraisingly. Velora was avoiding her gaze, but the face she was making was so like Vax’s face when he had been trying not to tell her something - badly, because Vax had always, always been utterly terrible at hiding anything he was feeling, least of all from her - that it made Vex’s heart ache. 

(She wondered, sometimes, if one day she would look at her own children’s faces and see Vax looking back, in the crook of an eyebrow or the corner of a smile. The prospect was both painful and wonderful.)

She pushed that aside for now though; Velora was clearly upset, her eyes red-rimmed with hastily dried tears. Vex sighed, taking Velora’s chin gently and tilting her face so that their gazes met. “Dear” she said, “whatever it is, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I can help. Even if it’s nightmares. Especially then. Those can be the worst of all, sometimes.” _And didn’t she know it._

Velora sniffed, lacing her fingers together in front of her. She kicked her feet a little; the tips of her toes just brushed the ground as she sat on the edge of the bed. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s not…normally like this. Not since… right after.”

Vex winced, inwardly. “Is it being here, in Whitestone?” She had been cautious about inviting Velora to visit for this very reason, even though Velora had been delighted to come; the last time she had been here, after all, had been that strange, surreal day after they had defeated Vecna. Filled with grief and sorrow and exhaustion, and a great yawning void where their brother had been, not to mention that Velora had been weak and hurting and scared after her resurrection. Vex had wondered if inviting Velora here, even a year later, might bring back bad memories, and it seemed she had been at least partially correct. She swallowed, hoping she hadn’t caused her little sister too much pain, as she took Velora’s hands in hers. “If you like” she said, already beginning to mentally make arrangements, “I can take you home to Syngorn, to your father and mother. We can set out tonight, if you want to.”

“No!” Velora blurted, taking Vex by surprise. Velora clutched at Vex’s hands, clasping them between her smaller ones. “No, I don’t want to go home yet! I had a hard enough time getting Father to let me come. Don’t send me home, please? I just…” she frowned, her brow scrunching up. “I just had a bad dream. I didn’t mean to wake you, I just wanted to check you were…” she tailed off into mumbling, looking doubtfully around the room in the dark. 

Vex frowned. “What, darling?”

“…Still here. Safe” whispered Velora. She bit her lip. “I know… I _know_ it’s silly, but…”

Vex felt a pain in her chest. She, too, knew that feeling: checking on her loved ones, making sure they were safe. Nightmares about them dying. That wasn’t a new thing, that had been going on for years, but since it had actually happened - since Vax - it had become so much worse. There were many nights when she woke with fast breaths and cold sweats and had to lay her hand on the pulse at Percy’s wrist, spend some time listening to rhythm of his breathing, to remind herself of what was real. Sometimes, he did the same; they all did, with the lives they had led. 

She had never wanted that for her sister though. Velora was still so young, and she had been through more than anyone should in a lifetime. Or two, in fact: Vex felt another pang as a memory floated unbidden to the forefront of her mind, of Velora lying cold and still in the rubble, after. She had looked so small, smeared in grey ash and dirt and blood against skin turned too pale in the hours since her death. That whole day was a blur of pain and exaltation in their victory, and confusion and grief and dread at what was to come, overlaid with sheer exhaustion. But Vex remembered that clearly, remembered holding Velora as though she could physically squeeze the life back into her. Vaguely, she recalled an ashen-faced Vax taking her arm, his wings coming up to wrap around both of them in silent pain, as she had looked desperately to Kashaw, limping over… 

She forced herself into the present, back to her living, breathing sister, her face twisted into an odd expression. She smiled determinedly back. “It’s not silly” she said, in a small voice. 

Velora dropped her gaze, and said in a voice almost too small for Vex to hear: “Father says it is. He says I should stop dwelling on it. Let it go.”

“Father’s wrong” she said, immediately. She narrowed her eyes; it would probably only upset Velora more if Vex said something distinctly uncharitable about her father right now. “Or…not _wrong_. But he doesn’t understand… a lot of things.”

Velora smiled, just slightly. “I know. Some things he’s right in…I _want_ to let go, to stop being like this, but…”

“…But it takes time.” She tucked an errant lock of hair behind Velora’s ear, cupping her cheek affectionately. “I’ll let you into a secret…I feel the same, sometimes. ….Well. Often.”

Velora tilted her head, looking at Vex for a long moment. “….You miss Vax a lot, don’t you?”

Vex blinked. “Yes” she said slowly, voice cracking just a little. “Yes, I do.”

Velora sniffed. “I miss him too. A _lot_. But, I also missed you, a lot. I’m always so happy when I get your letters. That’s….” she hesitated, shuffling her feet a little. “That’s why I was so excited that Father let me visit here.”

Vex felt her face crumple into a teary smile. “You’re always, _always_ welcome, you know. We’ll always keep your bedroom just as it is.”

“I know” said Velora. “I want to come back here as often as I can.”

“I hope you do.” She smiled, imagining Velora playing with the baby when they were born, watching them grow each time she came to visit. At that moment, Vex felt a sudden, impulsive desire to tell Velora. She hadn’t told anyone else yet, no one but Percy and Trinket. Though thinking about it, she suspected that some of the servants, and probably also Cassandra - who was sharp as a tack and saw both her and Percy every day - had already guessed.

But no, Vex thought. She shouldn’t spring this on Velora now. It wasn’t time, yet; it was still so early, there was still so much that could go wrong. And besides, Velora’s eyes were still a little swollen with tears, the ghost of the nightmare still too close. It wasn’t fair to spring something so important on her now. She’d tell her another time.

At that moment though, she was saved the decision as Percy stirred behind her. Velora jumped a little as he shifted awake, blinking blearily in the darkness, throwing out a hand to the bedside table for his glasses and only managing to knock them onto the floor.

“Hhh…Vex? Wha’s going on…” his eyes went wide. “…Is everything alright with the - ”

Vex, hastily, laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s nothing, Percy darling…I was just talking to Velora, but everything is fine.” 

“In the complete dark? …Did I go blind? Again?”

“I highly doubt it, dearest.”

“Mmph. I always forget about the darkvision.”

She laughed softly, getting up to go and fold his glasses carefully back onto the bedside table, lighting the lantern beside them. “Poor thing can’t see in the dark _with_ these anyway” she confided to Velora. “But there’s no sense in them getting broken.”

“Oh, no.” Velora fidgeted with the cuff of her nightgown, looking a little abashed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come in here and wake Percy up too.” 

Finally, Percy had gotten his glasses on, still a little bleary, hair all sticking up at one side. “I don’t mind at all.” He frowned, in concern. “Believe me, I understand.”

“…Thanks. But still, I shouldn’t have bothered either of you.” She smiled, a little teary. “It feels silly, now.”

Vex waved away her apology. “Nightmares often do when the light comes back. It doesn’t mean they’re any easier when it’s dark.” She smoothed Velora’s hair affectionately. “I can throw Percy out of bed just for tonight, if you’d like to stay? You don’t mind, do you darling?”

“Not in the slightest.”

Vex smiled, touching his arm in thanks, before turning back to her sister. “Hmm? We can have tea and talk. Or sleep. I can get Trinket to come and keep us company? Whatever you need.”

But Velora shook her head, already stifling a yawn. “Thank you, but no. I think… I think the nightmare’s gone, now.” There was a weary smile on her face. “I think I’d like to go back to bed, maybe. But…”

“…Do you want me to walk you back there?”

Velora clung to her hand. “…Yeah. That would be nice.”

Vex nodded, climbing out of bed and tucking the covers around Percy. “Go back to sleep, dear. Rest while you still can.” she said, sharing a secret smile with him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. She took out a spare blanket and wrapped it around Velora’s shoulders, then took her hand and led her out of the room. 

They stepped out into the deserted corridor. It was colder out here than the sleepy warmth of the bedroom, and Vex wished she had thought to put something on her feet; it would take a few more years of living in chilly, stone-built Whitestone castle, she felt sure, for her to remember to put on her house slippers. 

It was cold and drafty here, and in the night, it was very easy to imagine unspeakable horrors, ghosts and monsters, and the real nightmares that had walked these halls only a few short years ago. 

She shook the notion from her head, leading Velora onwards with purpose. Her room wasn’t very far away; they had the servants keep one made up for her only just around the corner from the Lord and Lady’s bedroom. The room was spacious and high-ceilinged, with long windows that looked down the valley into the town; it had apparently once belonged to Vesper de Rolo, years ago and in another life.

There was no call to think about dead siblings right now though, Vex told herself sternly as she tucked Velora into bed, wrapping the extra blanket around her for good measure. Not in the dark of the night, not when there were living ones that needed her. Velora was sleepy, and clingy with it, holding onto the sleeve of Vex’s nightgown. 

Vex sat down with her against the headboard, Velora’s head immediately drooping sideways against her shoulder. On an impulse, Vex began to sing, the first lullaby that came to mind. Which - of course - happened to be one of those her own mother had sung to her and Vax when they were children, clear through the memories of that time that were softened and blurred by the years, and by a nostalgia for the way that things had been, back then. 

She had lost so much, she thought, as she sang. She was the only remaining member of that little family of three; even the town they had lived in had been wiped off the map. But now she had another family, and a sister that had been brought back to her against all odds, and that she had long ago vowed not to let any harm come to. Soon, she’d be doing this for her own child, hers and Percy’s, a thought which was both utterly terrifying and so wonderful she could still barely believe it was true.

So, she thought, as the song finished and Velora’s warm weight grew limp against her side, her breathing becoming even and deep, it really wasn’t as bad as all of that.

It wasn’t too long until Vex, too, found herself falling into sleep, her sister cradled close at her side.


End file.
